OH MAI GOSH!
darn japanese got everything! though it's gonna be costly :P
i am very messed up in the head. never right.
i have resigned to the fate that i am just.... no good.
i have today, exploded in a fuming rage and well, it just never calmed down as of yet...
started early in the morning at about 2 am.
i was still out (for the first time) in the city just hanging about with friends.
when my bro called me to quote "bring me home" unless i called parents to inform them about it
now that's all cool and stuff but, he used some imaginary LAW of singapore to say it. saying that its illegal for me to be out because i am 21.
1st, he is wrong. as far as i know, there is no such bullshit
2nd, if there is, i don't care. CLEARLY i want to stay out, it's my business and though it's probably out of concern, it just the way he's been saying it, along with the past week of shit that i've been feeling.
so i called, etc etc, i stayed out of the house.
at home, just didn't feel good and full of angst. a small trigger caused a whole explosion of emotions from me, sprouting how much i loathed my mom and bro and sis's hatred against my suit, how my bro keeps threatening to throw away my fursuit because it is not what the family liked. after that, apparently after i got sent somewhere else, about 5 minutes later, my brother blew up too. at that moment i came out and just screamed again cause i couldn't take it, threw a laundry basket downstairs and smashing the lights into a hundred pieces, slapping my mom, screaming how much i was a siner and not worth anything, and ultimately screaming against God himself and doubting his existance or mercy or direct intervention in the human world.
so yeah. shit happens.
emotionally i am drainned.
and really, if i had never wanted to be an individual or unique, have wierd fetishes and in the fandom, none of this had happened
God had better explain it to me in it's exact entirety to the letter soon or eventually.
God is perfect, i am the perfect inverse. i will never be like him, but today, i shall not even try anymore. cause clearly i can't.
i know this would probably piss God now, and maybe few other chirstian brothers, but really, i am gonna find who I am.
i am not gonna follow God blindly as i had. NOPE! today i will be just ME! If ME involves trying to be a good christian, then good, if not, i have the feeling of resigning myself to eternal hell. that's what i believe. God have mercy on my soul.
I already begged God for forgiveness, but it's just impossible isn't it? will he listen to me? generic answer is yes, but REALLY?
clearly it's my ears that don't hear, eyes that don't see, and skin that don't feel God.
- Current Mood: angsty
truth be told... i never played starfox in the first place.
- Current Mood: giggly
Major clean-up in the office. i would've taken half day off that day, but well... because i didn't want to shove my responsibilities to the others for cleaning.
i brought my half-suit to work, hoping i would get off early and head down to STGCC immediately after work.
somehow my colleges got wind of this information. and begged me to put on my suit after work. i obliged. hehe, it was good.
when i got to stgcc, i didn't feel like suiting up XD. it was late and many cosplayers had gone off already.
after scouting yesterday, i decided to come early. super early. 1 reason is to find a place to camp and set our stuff there. more likely it's cause i wanted to leave the house before my parents were awake.
i was... too early. XD the place was deserted, even after i had some breakfast. still, i found a nice place and sat there doing emergency repairs.
When everyone finally arrives, others also slowly start to arrive as the outdoor place is very slowly filled. 5 of us immediately suit up: me, DL, Nightdragon, Gelidien, Piggy (after a bit of convincing). This was DL's first cosplay suiting up event, and Nightdragon and gelidien's first time suiting up.
i won't go into detail as to what happened, cause most of the time it was snapping away and posing XD
so i'm gonna post the + and - points
+many were interested in DL
+new experience for geli and night
+piggy finally put on his renamon suit again
+i could see better than during halloween
+the toe fur did not drop out as often as before
-fogging still occur
-could not camp at our area (apparently there was a wedding, then there was none)
-was deported to other places more than once (apparently, the security guards opened up an empty hall for cosplayers, then chased us out again. bad communication i guess)
-didn't find king kazuma figurine
-tix were waste of money, cause suiting up inside was quite squeezy, but somewhat manageable. Most cosplayers just stayed outside anyway
overall, this experience is what i will rate a 7/10 ! there's room for improvement but at the same time, it was decent
This time it was EOY!
i had church in the morning. wanted to skip it actually, or at least, leave straight from there. circumstances stopped me though.
so i arrived at about 2-2:30 pm. met roswell on the way by chance.
it was well... awesome!
although it was just suiting up again, and it was in a smaller space, i felt that this time i had more fun.
main reason is the "fangirls" that swarmed me, maybe 3 times more violent than SOY"B" when i first appeared in a cosplay event.
others may call it a terror, but i find that as long as they don't rip off my head or gloves or tail, it's fine.
when i say swarmed, i mean it. very very harsh. some calling me their pet, some fighting over it XD and also being dragged away by them many times
i'm glad DL didn't get TOO manhandled (or girlhandled). it could be quite dangerous provoking dragons with big ass swords XD
Nightdragon also got some attention. i didn't really clearly see how much though since i was either dragged away, or fogging up again (i really need to make a better breathing system). i didn't cling on to them as much this time round cause of the pushing and the pulling.
zi is worried that if he makes a suit, he will get the same treatment. XD
this day was much more fun XD cause i actually got to run about a bit and also hop, roll, play dead, get petted, hugged, etc. more than stgcc.
fursuiting IMO should be somewhat like that, with more action and less posing (unless you're TOO bulky). XD but this was cosplay so.... yeah. XD
i rate this an 8.5/10 because of the amount of action involved. personally i'd rather be in action than be a statue. others may not share the same opinion, but who cares XD.
fun weekend! i'm still dazed from the action. WOOOO!!!!!
- Current Mood: chipper
at first in the morning, i was really hesistant about going. many things that could've gone wrong did not go wrong. (HA ! screw you Murphy's Law!)
on that day, there was a 50% chance that i had to work. and early statics indicated that i was that unlucky 50%. However, somehow the shift selected was not mine, and thus i was free!!!
Before the day, i seemed to have misplaced my belt (essential for my suit's tail). it reappeared on that faithful morning.
when i got there, i felt out of place for not being an actual character, and so i was looking around to see if i really should suit up. there and then, someone approached me and asked why i wasn't suiting up. i suited up shortly.
Finally, i didn't have anyone to lug my bag about. so i had a little trouble moving about that spot. Some Monk character from Ragnarok online said hi to me and offered to carry my bag. wow... just... wow.
Also, it turns out that that guy was a furry! (in singapore, you just can't get that kind of coincidence) and one whom had left the local group a long time ago due to inactivity. so i brought him to anthroasia and hehe... he likes me XD.
overall, awesome time! so awesome that i'm not sad that it's over. just damm happy that i met a new friend, and got lots of hugs from everyone! next up: STGCC! and EOY!
have diohorrea right now, but not too bothered by it much XD
FYP (final year project) rejected. it's ok i guess. no big deal. just pound my fist a few times against a punchbag to relieve initial stress
right now, i think the diohorrea is on my mind much more than the FYP.
hope i don't crap my pants XD
- Current Mood:random
Saturday was a BBQ at chibi's brother's place. food and drinks galore!
lots of chatting, mingling, and generally having a good time.
event started and quite immediately we went to start the fire immediately.
thanks to chibi's family for the bee hoon and potato salad and some vegetables.
the only downside? we didn't manage to cook all the food on time as we had to leave at a specific time.
the actual halloween date. things didn't go according to plan initially.
i was thinking of scaring my churchmates after service. Unfortunately, i forgot to bring my booklet which i need for my young adults. i'm not the type to go ask for a photo copied of it cause i'll just throw it away. so i didn't attend it.
as a result, i got to DL's house early. got plenty of time to repair my suit, but unfortunately during the walk, the toe fur kept coming out...
from 6 to 8 45, lots of fun! four fursuiters walking about posing for photos, having fun, and overheating XD. no actual collection of candy though cause if we entered any house, we probably won't get to leave X3.there was a problem though: my new eyes kept fogging up. wonder how to solve it since my ventilation is extremely bad. became quite literally blind later on at night.
overall, i think that this outing was a great success! lots of fun in a long time. want to do more in the future XD
- Current Mood: refreshed
we didn't manage to go IN the night safari (and thus saved us $40) because it was too crowded.
not much to say except that i absolutely couldn't see, and my eye came off...
and a loads of fun!
unfortunately... why do i feel rather upset after it? seems like i may have lost the fun in suiting? this is terrible...
some reasons why i feel the joy may have suddenly gone:
1) i can't even let my suit air out without my bro constantly reminding me how much my family hates it
2) my suit is breaking apart one at a time
3) i don't have time to make anything
4) i can't make anything at my own house (bringing it about is very troublesome too)
5) why bother... seriously... why bother...
have i completely lost my love for fursuiting? this is depressing...
- Current Mood: blank